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Joke of the Day

"Have I told you how much I don't like the cars that can go up vertical surfaces? They drive me up the fucking wall."

"I read that 1 in 5 women suffer from mental illness so I guess that means the other 4 must enjoy it."

"cheap toilet paper. it isn't worth shit."

"Man On Bus Asked Me, ""Why Looking So Crabby This Morning?"" I Just Found Out I Have Cancer..."

"What does Monica Lewinsky and Soda Machine have in common?"

"Q: What were Bill and Chelsea Clinton doing in the voting booth? A: Bill was giving his daughter a lesson in Civics how to ruin the people!"

"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"

"How do you make a sandwich legendary? Make it on dark rye"

"The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low."

"Lets be real here, everyone has laughed at a child falling over in public,at least once, why ? Because its funny."