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Joke of the Day

"They say you can't teach an old dog new tricks... Well my wife's 70, with a face like the back of a bus, and last night I taught her to light her own farts."

"Just saw a girl in cutoff jean shorts so unbelievable short that you could see private parts sticking out the bottom of mine."

"Hey Home Shopping Network: We have the internet now."

"Why do midgets laugh when they play soccer? Because the grass tickles their balls when they run."

"Don't get it. Heard the phrase ""keep your friends clothes & keep your enemies clothes, sir"". Now I have a bunch of naked people angry at me."

"If pro and con are opposites... Is progress the opposite of Congress?"

"Bernie Sanders The real reason Bernie Sanders went to the hospital because he looked at his poll numbers Berning up. Doctors have said that he must have felt the BERN."

"What happens if you don't pay the priest who exorcises your house? He'll re-possess it"

"sometimes i sleep naked just in case leonardo dicaprio breaks in and wants to charcoal sketch me"

"Why do scientists call Helium , Barium and Curium the medical elements? Because if you can't Helium or Curium , You'd Barium!"