158781

Joke of the Day

"What yelling. Four while playing golf actually stands for It stands for, ""FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YOURE ABOUT TO DIE!"""

"Please pray for girls everywhere who are getting a ""What's up"" text right now Be strong. Don't answer. Eat ice cream."

"I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day."

"People often accuse me of ""stealing other's jokes"" and being ""a plagiarist."" (Their words, not mine)"

"Why did the dentist vote for Trump? He likes to keep things white and straight."

"What's the difference between an illegal Mexican and ET? ET looked better, smelled better, learned English, didn't claim benefits, had his own fucking bike, and wanted to go home!"

"I spent last night shouting at my psychiatrist Long story short he's convinced I have delusions of being a pony... I'd tell you more, but I'm a little hoarse."

"Serving weak coffee should be a criminal offense."

"[In the back of the car, imitating GPS voice] IN A HALF MILE, TAKE A SLIGHT RIGHT. ALSO PUT ERICS MIXTAPE BACK ON THAT WAS SO GOOD"

"What is brown and has got four legs and an arm? A Rottweiler on a children's playground."