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Joke of the Day

"I put $1 aside every time my girlfriend has sex with me, and that's how much I'll spend for her birthday present So far I'm getting one fancy-ass glove."

"Oh, topical reference. You sure are about something."

"A guy walks into a bar, and the bartender looks up and says... ""What is this, some kind of joke?"""

"What do you call that little white stuff on the top of bird shit? More bird shit. (Dad joke from the 70's)"

"You know what they say, once you go black.... You're a single mom."

"What did E.T.'s mother say when E.T. got home? ""Where on Earth have you been??!!"" **Thank you, I'll be here all night... Edit: Thanks for da love Dr. Jones!"

"He died doing what he loved, annoying the hell out of me and not believing I would stab him."

"What do a pizza guy and a gynecologist have in common? They both smell it but they can't eat it."

"Dear waiter, You messed up my order because you didn't write it down. I employed your strategy while calculating the tip. Love, David"

"Ate too much salad today so I'm going on an Oreos cleanse tomorrow."