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Joke of the Day

"Two Fish there was two fish in a tank and one of the fish said do you know how to drive this thing BECAUSE THE FISH ARE DRIVEING THE TANK IN A WAR"

"Three words to ruin a man's ego. ""Is it in?"""

"I wish I was your math homework Then I'd be hard and you'd do me on the desk."

"[at Applebees on Christmas] God: Your food good? Jesus: Ya, it- *a crowd of servers surrounds them* Jesus: You didn't... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO Y"

"What's brown and sticky A stick"

"Relationships are easier if one of you is a cake."

"Cats that run under your legs display the same genius as someone walking into traffic."

"I remember hearing about this actor that lost all of his money and was locked up after a huge scandal... I'm pretty sure it was Nicolas Cage."

"Burnt my Hawaiian pizza today ... Should of put it on aloha temperature."

"""Based on a true story"" means it happened more or less like this, but with ugly people."