1001

Joke of the Day

"How are babies different from feminists? Babies grow up and stop crying."

"pleas tune into my next podcast where i ask what the FUCK angry birds is and viciously mock the first piece of shit caller to answer me"

"People say that I'm skeptical but I don't believe them."

"In the old days when people knocked on the door, you could hide. Now you have to disconnect from internet and turn off cell phones."

"Love is a lot like magic, both are fake and there's always some asshole trying to ruin the illusion for you."

"What do you get if you cross an apple with a shellfish? A crab apple !"

"Guy walks into a Broadway costume house, tells the guy he wants one red, one blond, and 1 brunette merkin Clerk says - shall I wrap them up, sir? He says - no, I'll eat them here ..."

"I know how to feed a nation...but will she eat it?"

"if potheads are lazy then why did I just go to my car to get a lighter?"

"What did Peyton Manning do yesterday? ...played footbal but lost and made ppl sad as fuck. joke's on the ppl cus their sad as fuck and i dont care"