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Joke of the Day

"Why do blonde girls go to the bathroom in groups of three? Because they can't even"

"Grilled cheeses are the sweatpants of sandwiches."

"Me: *enters exam room Doctor: Please take off your... M: *unbuttons pants D: ?? M: *pauses* D: GLASSES! D: I'M AN EYE DR DAMNIT!"

"Oxygen went on a date with potassium. It went OK."

"TIL that Martin Luther King Jr got a C in public speaking Look where it got him. Murdered."

"I know a woman with an uncontrollable sexual desire towards books. She's an infomaniac"

"Hello 911? I was doing that thing where you pretend to walk down stairs behind a couch only it worked. I have no idea where I am. Help me."

"Why can it be so annoying to drive a Skoda? The Czech engine light is always on."

"BREAKING: John Terry spotted changing into his full German kit."