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Joke of the Day

"They've just added no stockpiling paperclips' to the employee handbook like they knew what I was planning."

"Marriage brings two people together to solve issues they never had before"

"What does a sailor use to clean his clothes? Tide"

"What did the halal lettuce say to the halal cucumber ? Lets make salat"

"What time did Sean Connery get to Wimbledon? Ten-ish."

"Two peanuts walking down the street... one gets *assaulted*."

"Name your penis after a movie or a game. Oblivion."

"Drank the liquid from my Magic 8 Ball and now I can predict the future with even less accuracy than I could before."

"Every woman has an inbox. She carries it with her just in case she gets male."

"What do you call a valley girl giving a blowjob for louis vuittons? Head over heels"