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Joke of the Day

"what does a british person say to congratulate a friend when he hears they are having their first child after joining a reptile gang? well, chap, you're a propa-gator now."

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"Why didn't the schizo cross the road He was in two minds about it."
"What's Peyton Manning's favorite hair style? The blowout"
"Life is like a box of chocolates It doesn't last as long if you're fat."
"Have you seen Human Centipede 3? Its the same shit."
"Coughing problems -My wife is constantly coughing. We have tried everything and nothing helps. -Have you tried weed? -Yes, she is coughing and laughing."
"So a guy with a ""Baby on Board"" sticker on his back glass, backed out of a parking spot and directly into my car.. Apparently that dick had a problem with pulling out."
"LPT: How to tie an extremely difficult knot Just put it in your pocket. Works like a charm with my headphones every time."
"What do you call a fast zombie? A zoombie."
"Sometimes I think... ...but usually I dont."