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Joke of the Day

"(NSFW) A pedophile and a little boy walk into the woods.. The boy says ""it's really dark out here, I'm scared."" The pedophile looks at him and says ""you're scared?! I have to walk back alone!"""

"When an old lady dies and then her husband dies a couple of weeks later, it isn't because his heart is broken. It's because he can't cook."

"Why did the identical twins survive the plane crash? Because twins being destroyed by planes is too cliche, I guess."

"You're like cheese I laugh when I cut you! Edit: First post on Reddit? Why not start with a cheesy joke?"

"What were the Kamikaze Pilot's last words? ""Watch this cause i'll only do it once."""

"Did you hear about that guy who was asked to be a Jehovah's witness? - He refused becuase he hadn't seen the accident."

"I just ate a family... ...sized kraft Mac n cheese and now I'm too full to get drunk by myself tonight."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Aardvark ! Aardvark who ? Aardvark a million miles for one of your smiles !"

"If you have a parrot and you don't teach him to say ""Help, they turned me into a parrot"" you wasting everybody's time Shamelessly stolen from /r/funny"

"What do you call a nose that can see into the future? Nostrildamus"