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Joke of the Day

"You need subtitles. Me to every 2yr old."

"Why did they have to cancel the volleyball games in the special olympics? It wasn't going over too well."

"What do you say when you see two fetuses making out? ""Oh get a womb"""

"I don't play fantasy football, but I do play fantasy friendship. This week I'm starting Taylor Swift and Conan O'Brien."

"How do you organize a party in outer space? You planet."

"I've noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be."

"""You, the horse you rode in on AND the horses mother!"" ""What about the horses father?"" ""I already mentioned YOU once!"""

"I'm against picketing.... But I don't know how to show it. - Mitch Hedberg"

"Had a 6"" sammich from subway today, and it totally didn't fill me up. I get it now ladies, and I'm so, so sorry."

"Dark humor is like food Some people just don't get it"