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Joke of the Day

"I got everyone a pet snake for Christmas but you have to catch it, they're in my house, they're everywhere, please come get your snake."

"Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him. He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed."

"I once thought about write a book, but quit before I even started. It was a novel idea."

"What did the man who ate a clock say? That was time consuming but I still want seconds."

"What do you call a hacker who stays home when it snows outside? Edward Snowed-in!"

"A man goes to see his doctor... A man goes to the doctor and the doctor says ""I'm afraid you're going to have to stop masturbating."" The man says ""What! why?"" The doctor says ""So I can examine you"""

"What do you get when you cross a dyslexic, an insomniac, and an agnostic? Someone who lays awake at night wondering if there is a dog."

"Apparently my friends came up with this joke about my penis but nobody will tell me it... They keep telling me it's too long"

"BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance"

"Having your 7 year old son clean the toilet is pretty entertaining. He used Pledge. In other news I just slid off the toilet, into the tub."