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Joke of the Day

"Canadian light beers are like having sex on the beach. It's fucking close to water."

"The other day I found two gold bars. I've always dreamed of an Au pair."

"I'd love to get myself a job inspecting mirrors! I could really see myself doing that."

"From my 6yo Me (after having taught her subtraction): ""So, what's the difference between 10 and 5?"" ""They're just two different numbers!"""

"[airport security] *Beep* ""step through again, but don't say Beep."" *Alarm* ""Once more sir, but if u speak, I'll shoot u."" {thinks} *bzzt*"

"My girlfriend accidentally shoved a pair of glasses up my ass... Now my hindsight is 20/20"

"What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!"

"The news report was that an elevator for the coal shaft broke down, trapping 27 workers But it was just a miner inconvenience"

"Scott. Scott goes to a party Scott knocks on the door Scott is greeted by more popular kids Scott is excluded from the party Scott no friends"

"Do you want to hear the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There'sno point to it, anyway."