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Joke of the Day

"What does the Chinese government call an American with a PhD in physics, math and chemistry? STUPID AMERICAN!"

"I've gone from agony to ecstasy in this last week. Hopefully, by the end of this month... ...I'll be done reading this dictionary."

"I pulled a muscle trying to avoid my neighbor in the grocery store."

"People ask where I see myself in 5 years But I always tell them that I don't have 2020 vision"

"How fuckin' good do babies smell!? I wanna jam one up each nostril and rob a bank!"

"My favorite parts of the Bible are when Jesus is alone talking to God (himself) and someone who wasn't there is writing about it."

"Since it started raining all my girlfriend has done is look through the window If it gets any worse i'll have to let her in"

"I tried to catch some fog earlier. I mist."

"What do you call a poop that went to med school? Dookie Howser"

"Hey street performer, try juggling life and a real job"