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Joke of the Day

"My bank has informed me that Twitter followers can not be used as collateral for a car loan. You guys are useless."

"My son just said he's going to write his name on our cat with a raisin. Guess I won't have to waste money on college."

"When I'm in the bathroom a long time, I come out sniffing & wiping my nose so people think I was doing coke and not making a doody"

"Would the person who has been writing my horoscope please lighten up."

"How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she can fit into your wife's clothes."

"Did you hear the joke about the ageless baby? It never gets old. Did you hear the joke about Michelle Obama's vagina? It's a dark one."

"Whoever said, ""there's no place like home for the holidays"" clearly hasn't been to my house."

"What did the prostitute say when she saw Lamar had OD'd? O DANM!"

"What's the difference between a guy with carry on luggage and a photon? The guy overpacked, and the photon is traveling light."

"I don't like drive-thru's I think it's money out the window."