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Joke of the Day

"When ur at chipotle n u ask for guac and they say ""its extra is that ok?"" if u say its not ok they give it to u for free"

"Is your phone in your back pocket? Because that ass is calling me!"

"Nothing, I'm just tired. -every woman, 3 days before they tell you what's wrong"

"I'm white but I'm not ""exterminate or enslave millions of indigenous peoples then rewrite history into a bullshit heroic narrative"" white"

"LMAOSHMSFOAIDMT = Laughing my ass off so hard my sombrero fell off and I dropped my taco."

"Michael Cera and Jesse Eisenberg bump into each other, say sorry awkwardly, then try to sidestep each other but keep stepping the same way."

"Zayn Malik has a full beard now. He only shaves in one direction."

"How many Grateful Dead fans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just wait for it to burn out and follow it around the country for 20 years."

"Why did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank coffee before it was cool."

"You didn't question the free nachos or the ride in the van. But now that I've got a knife to your throat you're all ""why, why?"""