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Joke of the Day

"Why did the Scottish cannibal live on a sugar plantation? He said ""So that I can feed my lads with m'lasses."""

"[Date] (don't let her know you're an alien larva) Her: I wonder where he is? *I burst through her chest* Me: Did you order yet? I'm starved"

"What did the guy in China say to the Chinese couple who finally got approved to adopt? Con-grab-ur-asians!!"

"Why do women have periods? because they deserve them."

"Does your wife know you're single?"

"Apparently this dude at the mall was just tying his shoe and did NOT want to play leap frog. My bad, dude. My bad."

"This is not a dad-joke It's a bad-joke"

"How do you get an elderly lady to say f***? Get another one to say bingo"

"Half-Life 3's release date."

"Oh, you said floppy DISK. *pulls pants back up* Yeah, I don't know what that is."