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Joke of the Day

"How do you catch a polar bear? Cut a hole in the ice & dump in a can of peas. When the bear comes to take a pea, ya kick him in the ice-hole."

"The CEO of Comcast dies and goes to heaven..."

"4% battery left on my iPhone. The music that plays when Sonic the Hedgehog is drowning is playing in my head."

"HOLY SHIT. THANK GOD TINA S. UPDATED HER FACEBOOK STATUS TO ""i hate studyyinggg"" OR ELSE WHO WOULD HAVE KNOWN?! BIG NEWS, TINA! BIG NEWS."

"If I ever wake up on Christmas Day and there's a Mercedes outside with a giant ribbon on it, I'm gonna assume it has an ignition bomb"

"What was Hitlers favorite letter? Well I can tell you its Not C... and Not Z for sure __________ Just thought of this lol (the not C part) /u/PM_ME_2_SEE_MY_DICK .... thought of not z..."

"The worst thing about Hillary Clinton is she can't dicks out for Harambe even if she wanted to. Even Michelle can do that."

"After years in the Military, the soldier survived mustard gas and pepper spray and was proud to finally be able to call himself a seasoned veteran."

"A Rabbi, a priest, and a minister walk into a bar... The bartender said ""You three get the hell out of my bar! I don't want to be part of a joke."""

"My buddy and I started a mountaineering business 6 months ago, and things haven't been going so well. We may have peaked early."