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Joke of the Day

"Ghosts are pretty cool because they can literally do anything they want, but they choose to hide my keys."

"A brand-new cigarette says to a used cigarette -Dude, you are a fag -Umm, Why? -I just saw five guys take turns in sucking your butt."

"Did you know if you send a fancy iPhone emoticon to a non-iPhone user, it just shows up as a middle finger?"

"Octopus 1-you up for tennis? Octopus 2- I cant my tennis elbows are actin up again Octo1-..we dont have elb Octo2- I DONT WANNA PLAY CARL"

"What's the difference between wild Iranian Ossetra caviar and my penis? One is a delicacy (Deh-Lih-Cuh-See) and the other is a delicady (Deh-Lih-Cuh-Dee) Edit: The D"

"""And if you look out to the left, you'll miss everything to the right. Remember, every choice is also a loss."" - Me as a tour guide"

"No officer,YOU`RE going the wrong way."

"How the hell wizards don't set fire to themselves, I'll never understand; attempting to make potions and stuff, with those dangly sleeves."

"Glad my parents spent 100k on my education so now I can type ""c u @ 2"" to my pot guy."

"Him: What gets you hot, baby? Me: mmm, talk to me in an accent. H: Zoinks, like, there's a ghost! Let's get out of here Scoob! M: *swoons*"