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Joke of the Day

"*has no girlfriend or kids* *gives out dating and parenting advice*"

"Holy shit there's a spider under my keyboard I think it's under control"

"Why do terds taper at the end? So your asshole doesn't slam shut."

"Why did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his tea before it was cool."

"Why are black people like sperm? Only one in a million actually works."

"I wanted sleeve tattoos but keep it 'professional'. So now when I'm naked, it looks like I'm wearing a Brooks Brothers shirt with nipples."

"Donald Trump is going to be president in 4 days. That..that's it..."

"What is the process for a terrorist kidnapping? Well, first Demascus, then they Baghdad!"

"Q: Why couldn't the shoes go out and play? A: They were all tied up."

"Calculus joke Epsilon is wandering around. Suddenly he sees his friend Delta. ""Delta, it's good to see you! But what are you doing here?"" Delta replies, ""Oh, I was just in the neighborhood."""