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Joke of the Day

"Where do Pandas live? On the road to Extinction."

"In a village full of hipsters no one ever lied. Because hips don't lie."

"What did the Wonderbra say to the regular bra? Do you even lift?"

"Everyone knows Superman's father was Jor-El, but no one ever mentions his germophobic uncle, Pur-El."

"Around here we commonly refer to our intellectual property as 'our shit'."

"My girl caught me blowing my dick with the air dryer, and asked what I was doing? Apparently ""heating your dinner"" wasn't a good answer."

"My wife walked in on me having sex with our daughter I don't know what shocked her the most; the fact I was having sex with our daughter or the abortion clinic gave me the fetus."

"Going to the bathroom isn't the problem It's the shit that I have to deal with every day."

"Next month on the 13th, the date will be 13/13/13."

"Patient asks his doctor... A patient asks his doctor, ""If I gave up women, wine, and song, would I live longer?"" The doctor replies, ""No, but it will feel longer."""