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Joke of the Day

"I recently came into a HUGE amount of money. Unfortunately, though, I'm barred from future tours of the Mint."

"I find it odd that my son's teacher would like to see him skip grade one without knowing how horribly he screwed up when doing our taxes."

"My perennial favourites always seem to come back year after year."

"Did you hear about the Pharaoh getting kicked out of the Grammy's? I guess that's what happens when you toot on Common."

"Why do I vape? It's how I let off a little steam."

"Q: Why did the man tear a page out of the calendar? A: He wanted to take a month off."

"Just watched the documentary FOOD, INC. And I'm absolutely disgusted. From now on, I'm only having sex with organic chickens."

"My son asked me today, ""Dad, what music did you like growing up?"" ""Led Zeppelin,"" I replied. ""Who?"" he said. ""Yeah, I liked them too."""

"Hey girl, are you a derivative function? Cuz I wanna be tangent to your curves."

"I didn't see you at the camouflage competition private. ""THANK YOU, SIR"""