157414

Joke of the Day

"I used to have a great job as a lifeguard, until this blue kid got me fired."

"Why didn't the doctor use Twitter to tell the patient that he had a deadly disease? Because the condition was untweetable."

"I wanted to tell you a joke about egoists... but I'll keep that one for myself."

"Little Johnny When I was a boy, I prayed, and prayed, for a bike but never got one. Then I realized that God don't work that way. So I stole a bike, then asked for forgiveness."

"Everybody who believes in telekinesis raise MY right hand."

"Remember when... ... the General Motors jobs were in Flint, and you couldn't drink the water in Mexico. And now..."

"I like my women like I like my microwaves... Cold on the outside, warm on the inside, and willing and able to kill any baby I put inside them."

"If you love someone let them go. If they come back they probly forgot their keys or something & yikes that's gonna be an awkward 30 seconds."

"If you want to interrogate someone, do it in German You could say ""I love you and brought you flowers"" and I'd shit myself!"

"What do you call a joke with no punch line?"