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Joke of the Day

"What's red and goes ""Oh, Oh, Oh!""? Santa walking backwards."

"Actual warning I saw in a pamphlet: ""You may be at risk for throat cancer if you have a throat or mouth."" Oh shit...."

"Iguana... tap it, but I have a reptile dysfunction."

"What's that one song that's like ""duh duh duhduh duh"" and they sing about girls and clubs and dancing. I think it's Top 40, if that helps."

"How could you tell that the figure skater was a mathematician? Because of the Fibonacci sequins."

"How many eggs did Kelly Clarkson eat for Easter? All of them. (It's timely if not funny, right?)"

"I couldn't tell if I brushed my teeth with tooth paste or shamoo last night I hope it was the former, not the lather."

"Parenting is all about multitasking. Like trying to brush your teeth while you're rock climbing."

"If your phone rings during a movie, answer it ""Yes, Mr. President. Right away, sir!"" And then run head first through the screen."

"Slash: Ok whats Paradise City like? Izzy: Pretty girls? ""Yeah!"" Axl: Nice lawns! ""Huh?"" Axl: Green grass! ""Grass is alw-"" Axl: JUST WRITE IT"