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Joke of the Day

"Computer does what you command him to do but not what you want from him."

"One day my kids will find a ""We're Closed"" sign for a grocery store & ask what it is & I'll sound like the old guy explaining shit in Zelda."

"Birds wouldn't be so smug in zero gravity, I bet"

"Why are lesbians always low on cash? Because they're constantly eating out!"

"Worst joke I've ever heard What is the difference between Hitler and the Boston Bombers? One of them actually ended a race."

"Vampires, if I want to be jabbed with a body part, teeth are not my 1st choice. Also, I have plenty of holes. No need to make new ones."

"Men who care about the covers being stolen fail to utilize the warm body next to them properly."

"I had to pee really bad at the swimming pool yesterday, so I tried to sneak it in at the deep end... But the lifeguard blew his whistle so loud I nearly fell in."

"I've just bought that new Lynx deodorant breadcrumb edition. The birds can't get enough of me!"

"(JOKE) What does a light bulb filled with gas?"