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Joke of the Day

"Well you know what they say You can't teach a gay dog straight tricks. -Chef (South Park)"

"*checks WebMD* Holy crap, I need an ambulance! *checks insurance deductible* Nevermind, I'll just take a vitamin or something."

"HR: Let's talk about why you were late today. Me: I told you! HR: DRAGONS AREN'T ""RELIABLE TRANSPORTATION!"" Me: Duh. That's why I was late."

"[in car with wife] ""did you take $20 from my purse?"" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*"

"Funny one liner:what is mean by Assasination There is a girl in my office.she has a kickass ass. she kills me with her ass...hope now u know,how the word 'Assasination' came into existence.."

"What is M. Night Shamalan's favorite game? Twister."

"Wife: Did you want to go to Comic Con? Me: *Google searches 'Is Emilia Clarke going to be on the Game of Thrones panel at Comic Con'* ""No"""

"Marriage is a 3 ring circus. . . The engagement ring, The wedding ring And the suffeRING."

"Oedipus apartment complex Attractive like your mom"

"What did the pig call a manuscript? A shoat story."