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Joke of the Day

"Last night I slept for 8 hours straight, and then for 2 hours gay."

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"""I dropped my toothpaste""... ...he said, crestfallen."
"You're so poor I saw you kicking a can across the street I asked you what you were doing you said moving."
"When do hamburgers most enjoy watching TV? During PRIME time!"
"Q. Where do fish sleep? A. In a river bed"
"I was interviewing a guy for a position as a dentist Turns out he wasn't very great at the job. I told him and he broke down crying. He couldn't handle the tooth"
"snapchat conversations are hard because eventually you just run out of selfie poses so you end up taking pictures of the couch or something"
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize you were an expert on my life and how I should live it. Please continue while I take notes."
"I was going to write up a guide on how to reserve yourself a spot on the front page of Reddit... ...but it's really not my place to say!"
"My German plumber accidentally hooked up my gas line to my shower... Looks like old habits die hard."