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Joke of the Day

"WIFE: You know Hogwarts isn't real? It's just part of series of fantasy novels. ME: *chasing an owl around my garden* WHATEVER MUGGLE!!!"

"What do you call a midget with no arms and a stumpy leg? A person. Don't be an asshole."

"What was the last thing Arnold Schwarzenegger said before he was eaten by cannibals? ""I'll be snack."""

"McDonald's should start gearing ads toward their target audience: husky toddlers and seagulls."

"What do you call it when someone gets hit by a bus on his way to pay off his student loans? Crippling debt! It's funny because he can't walk anymore!"

"Why did the sperm cross the road? I accidentally put on the wrong sock this morning."

"Q: What do you call a man who inherits a dairy? A: A Dairy Heir."

"I have a UPS joke Sorry it was delivered it to your landlord's off property leasing office ten miles down the road."

"What happened to the cross-eyed circumcist? She got the sack"

"Why could Darren jump higher than Zeus? because he was mortall."