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Joke of the Day

"Cop: Anything you say can and will be held against you. Me: SCARLETT JOHANSSON"

"One time in band camp... They threatened me with eternal torture. Oh wait that was Bible camp."

"If your parachute doesn't deploy... You have the rest of your life to fix it."

"Which tax haven is a daddy? The Cayman Islands"

"*wakes up early on weekend *makes 12 pancakes *wakes kids up ""Daddy, can we have waffles today???"" *eats 12 pancakes"

"The inventor of the dissapointing punchline has died His funeral will be held on Thursday at 2pm."

"""Release the Kraken!"" ... ""Well?"" ""We released him. He just took off. It's not like he was trained or anything."" ... ""Release the tuna!"""

"What do you call a man with no arms and no legs lying under a pile of leaves? Russel."

"What does a lion at the beach have in common with Christmas? (as told by my first grade daughter) They both have Sandy Claws. BOOM!"

"How do you think the unthinkable? With an ithberg."