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Joke of the Day

"I love christmas lights! They remind me of my co-workers. They all hang together, half the fuckers don't work, & the others aren't too fuckin' bright."

"flames on the side of your car screams i want small children to think im badass but i want parents to know im not financially stable"

"What do you call a fish that eats shit? A bottom feeder."

"What do you call a fly without wings? A walk. What do you call that same fly without legs? A raisin."

"Every time I say that I'm ready to order in a restaurant what I really mean is that I'm not ready but the panic will help me make a decision"

"The steak pun... ...a rare medium, sometimes well done."

"There was a kidnapping at school today. ... ... .... Everything's okay. He woke up."

"I went skiing yesterday. I didn't really enjoy it. I got to the top of the chairlift, but it was all downhill from there."

"What's a pirate's favorite letter? The C."

"What do you call a Finn, who gets something done? -Finnished"