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Joke of the Day

"I decided to have a can of soup for lunch today... ...And hating to see good food go to waste, I decided to have the soup as well."

"what do you call an asian lounge singer? george crooney"

"An Irish man walks out of a bar... Has never happened."

"What's the difference between sex and conversation? You don't know? Well let's go have a discussion..."

"Q: Why are there so many Smiths in the phone book? A: They all have phones."

"What does a woman's asshole do when she has an orgasm? Usually I'm working."

"How do you shut Donald Trump up? Muzzle-im"

"How to Feel Comfortable in Your Own Skin Step 1: Stop wearing other people's skin"

"Christina Applegate should totally get involved in a scandal-- then we could call it Applegategate"

"""Babe there's something I've always wanted to do.."" *tenderly moves her bangs away from her eyes then scotch tapes them to her forehead*"