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Joke of the Day

"3 Canadians, 5 Americans, 2 Franks, 1 Arab, 6 Brits, 4 Aussies and 2 Chinese are in line to board a plane from Texas to New York. Who gets randomly searched?"

"In space, no one can hear you scream. In cyberspace, no one can shut you up."

"Hey single ladies, you want a boyfriend? Easy! Learn to shut the fuck up and dramatically lower your standards!"

"I appreciate and am so thankful for all law enforcement officers ...until I'm driving."

"Did you hear about the man who had his right side cut off He's dead. Died from blood loss. Poor guy. On the bright side, his family got what's left of him."

"How did the hipster burn his tongue? He drank his coffee before it was cool.."

"I went downtown today. I was really surprised to see that the stationary store had moved locations"

"Time traveller: I'm from the future Me: prove it *he pulls out next weeks newspaper* Me: nice try, they've already invented newspapers"

"Why do we sleep? Because we get sleepy."

"""See you later alligator"" ""In a whilst crocodile"" -why we fought the British for independence"