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Joke of the Day

"Groundhog Day The Groundhog saw dead people, so we're due six more weeks of creepy Nationwide Commercials..."

"It's amazing how alcohol can make you do so many stupid things on your smart phone."

"So I think we have pretty much covered what to do if life gives you lemons"

"When you are dying... Make sure your final words fit on a tombst"

"These fall allergies are on me like the NYPD 'Cause I can't breathe."

"What evil do the USA and Darth Vader have in common? Using imperial units."

"If being successful was an amusement park, I'm the kid that drove his bumper car in the corner and can't get out."

"Why should you never invite a boxer to a party? He always throws the punch."

"What if animals were injured in the making of a film. would it say ''Tim hurt one monkey... he feels bad."""

"Honey, am I fat? Of course not! You just interact a bit more with the Higgs field."