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Joke of the Day

"""Surely EVERYONE pisses in the shower?"" I protest as I'm dragged out of Ikea"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a Muslim? Barack Obama is not a Jew. We think."

"Divorce is like hitting the reset button on Super Mario Bros except now you pay for the Princess's castle and hope Bowser kills you."

"Haegel, Nietzsche and Aristotle walk into a bar... Why?"

"Donald Trump is 69. Let's hope the death trend carries on. Third time's the charm."

"I'll never forget the cooking time for my supermarket brand spaghetti... 9-11 minutes"

"Do people who happily announce their pregnancy know they are going to be stuck with a baby afterwards?"

"Had a conversation with my ex-wife over a drink this afternoon. It was cordial."

"Behavioral studies show that those who use a lot of swear words tend to be more honest. That's what I've been trying to fcuking tell you!"

"Why did the chicken kill himself? To get to the other side."