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Joke of the Day

"Charles Manson not only got a woman while in prison, but a woman that only wanted him for his body. Screw Tinder, I'm going to prison."

"Finding old food in your teeth is preferable to finding a pen in your fat rolls that's been there since you did a crossword three weeks ago."

"What's the difference between a Redditor and an egg? Eggs get laid only once"

"men r from mars , women r frm venus , neither are capable of reproducton or space travel so species dies out [RECALIBRATE SIMULATION?] <Y/N>"

"A Russian doctor is treating his patient. *""Take this for insomnia... take this for depression... and take this for anxiety.""* *""Thank you Doctor, but do you have any other medicine besides Vodka?""*"

"Is it gay if a male doctor feels your balls while looking you deep in your eyes and isn't really a doctor but is just some guy at Target?"

"They're really just ""Grammer Nazis"" But the media keeps calling them ""Alt-Write"""

"He's taking you for granted? Act differently. Do something spontaneous. Spice things up. Sleep with his friend."

"Start the day with a big bowl of why the fuck am I awake."

"What's the definition of trust? Two cannibals blowing each other."