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Joke of the Day

"Everyone is like happy 2016 and Apple is like: Happy 2015s!"

"WEIRD BUT TRUE: If you put enough granola in the tailpipe of a Prius, a Slam Poet will receive a Tote Bag from NPR."

"What's a space pirate's favorite planet? mArrrs!"

"As he inserted the rectal thermometer, I got a painfully hard and obvious erection. ""Maybe you should wait outside while I examine your dog,"" said the vet."

"And Jesus said unto John ""Come forth and receive eternal life"". But John came fifth, and won a toaster."

"How can you teach your child about adversity if you don't leave a diaper unchanged once in a while?"

"There's a strange new trend in my office... People have started naming food in the office fridge Today I ate a turkey sandwich called Kevin."

"People who eat hotdogs from a gas station, you know there's faster ways to commit suicide?"

"It's actually a good thing money doesn't grow on trees because I've killed every plant I've ever owned."

"What do cannibals like to drink in the morning? A cup of Joe."