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Joke of the Day

"I always party like it's 1999. Standing in a corner talking to nerds about The Matrix."

"A ginger, a brunette and a blonde in Hell Just kidding, how could a ginger go to hell without a soul?"

"you can tell im drunk by the number of made-up words i concoctulate"

"On autopsy, instead of pumping my stomach to determine what I've eaten in the past 24 hours, a coroner need only look down my cleavage."

"I wish I had never wished for that. ""Done. You're back to 2 wishes."""

"What's Jared from Subway's favorite chord? A flat minor"

"Before calling me, ask yourself, ""Is this textable?"""

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a light bulb? It's an obscure number, you've probably never heard of it."

"Why did Lionel go to the medical store? because it was pharmacy."

"The Orgasm Time Machine A coming of age story."