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Joke of the Day

"What is worse than getting a wrong call at 3 AM in the morning? Getting a right call."

"I don't think Muslims go far enough.... I don't think Muslims go far enough in killing people who draw images of the prophet Mohammed. I think they should kill people who are named after him as well."

"What do you call a snail on a ship? A snailor (My nephew is watching Spongebob please send help my brain cells are leaving one by one)"

"[commercial for tupperware] Are you done with that food, but would rather throw it away in 3 weeks rather than right now? - Tupperware"

"Wife: How many beers is that for you today, dear? Me: Like 4 maybe. 5 tops. Wife: I counted 19. Me: Well I rounded down."

"Maybe a repost but still one of my favorites [Deleted]"

"Where do footballers dance? At a football!"

"Why don't terrorists shop at Walmart? They prefer a Target."

"Irritating An irritating friend took a drink from my wife's beer and said, ""Ha,Ha, this is one step from kissing your wife!"" ""Yes it is,"" I replied, ""and two steps from sucking my dick."""

"""You are what you eat""? I don't remember eating a giant disappointment."