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Joke of the Day

"I told my doctor I broke my arm in 2 places today He told me not to go back to those places"

"I haven't showered since last year. It's still 2014, right?"

"I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :("

"What do you get when you boil tree trunks with sugar? Log jam."

"what do goats and humans have in common? Their kids are nice and tender."

"I had an ambivalent girlfriend once, but I had to dump her. I found out she was addicted to Meh."

"[shoves the new kid] ur in the wrong ballet class loser, this is for the experts only [low-5s closest bro while maintaining eye contact]"

"Thought I was at a Nicki Minaj concert for 15 min before I realized I was just watching a homeless man yell at a squirrel."

"How do you throw a party in space? You planet!"

"Lying in bed, my girlfriend turned to me and said: ""You're a lot like a math exam."" I replied ""Why? Because I'm long and hard?"" She said, ""No, I'm cheating on you with an Asian."""