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Joke of the Day

"You hear of the movie about a girl's struggle during her time of the month? It won the award for the best period drama"

"My mom keeps telling me there are plenty of fish in the sea. She REALLY doesn't get me anymore. I. Don't. Want. A. Fish."

"I'd rather be hit in the face with a shit-filled sock than to ever attempt helping my parents install a DVD player over the phone again"

"If insanity is doing the same thing over & over and expecting different results, I must be sane cause I don't even like doing things once."

"Donald Trump has all the materials he needs to build that wall When he was elected millions of Democrats shit a brick"

"So I guess it's going to be ham for Thanksgiving lulz. cause no more Turkey"

"Me: Grandma died, can't work today. Boss: Thought she died last month? Me: This time she is for real dead. We poked her with a stick."

"Poor onions I cried when my Dad sliced Onions. I missed Onions. He was a good dog."

"50% of Asians have cataracts. The other 50% drive rinkins."

"Best part of cleaning the apartment is putting new magazines on the coffee table so you can look cultured for the guests you don't have over"