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Joke of the Day

"I hate double standards. If a baby crawls around, it's ""adorable,"" but if I do, I'm ""causing a disturbance"" and ""need to leave""? Whatever."

"My friend met his wife on tinder ...It was six months after their wedding"

"If any Americans still feel like emigrating to Canada, can you please bring up some Thanksgiving leftovers?"

"GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing *i dance beautifully for 12 minutes* GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!"

"I went to a new zoo that has opened up in my area yesterday. Wasn't really worth it, they had one animal and it was a dog. Turns out it was a Shih Tzu."

"What's an Islamist's favourite crop? Rice is."

"What did Mike Tyson say to Vincent van Gogh?? You gonna eat that?"

"Has there been a day when reddit hasn't been down cause of server problems? Yes. When the SOPA/PIPA protest happened."

"Whats the difference between my computer and Paul Walker... ... When my computer crashes, I give a shit."

"A cabbage walks into a bar wearing a red leaf. The bartender takes one look at it and asks another patron how they feel about the cabbages bold new look. The patron replies, ""I think it's ridic yo."""