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Joke of the Day

"joe: siri address me as poopyhead siri: okay poopyhead *obama enters* barack: joe have you seen my phone? joe: yep here *runs away giggling*"

"My penis isn't small. It's ""artisanal."""

"What do you call a 350 pound stripper? Broke"

"All you dads out there couldn't hold a candle to my dad. He's petrified of candles."

"Why was the skeleton using the Internet? To bone up on his schoolwork."

"What do you call cows with 2 legs? Lean beef. bonus: What do you call cows with no legs? Ground beef."

"I finally talked to my crush today I told her that she smells different when she's awake"

"What's green and turns red at the push of a button? A frog in a blender."

"Someone once asked me if I was drunk. I said yes. That was the shortest job interview I've ever had."

"My irony detector is defective. It detects everything except irony."