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Joke of the Day

"My brother's so homophobic that if he dropped his keys in San Francisco he'd kick them to Oakland before bending over to pick them up."

"Q: How many Leos does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Leos don't change lightbulbs although sometimes their agent will get a Virgo in to do the job for them while they're out."

"The length of time toddlers stare at each other on the playground would get you stabbed if you did that shit as an adult."

"Shark Who Attacked Surfer: ""I Was Just Trying To Impress My Girlfriend"""

"What is a feminist's favorite math topic? Triggerednometry"

"A zombie and a ghost go for marriage counselling And are asked to share their honest feelings The Zombie ""Sometimes I feel like you're not even here!"" The Ghost ""Whatever, you're dead to me"""

"Love it how music can take you to another place . For example, One direction is playing in this restaurant so i'm going to a different one."

"The average person has sex 89 times a year It's gunna be one hell of a week for me."

"Am I the only one who wants to write ""Over"" at the end of my tweets? Over."

"[homeless guy walks up to me at the park] ""what are you doing inside my house?"""