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Joke of the Day

"Tired of being single? Just lower your standards a bit. My new girlfriend is a coconut taped to a mop."

"Thank you for saying, ""I'm just being honest"" after that horrible thing you just said. I feel better now that I know you meant it."

"Roses are brown, Violets are brown, Daisies are brown, I'm a terrible gardener."

"I do resistance training every day It's called refusing to go to the gym"

"I like to yell ""Aloha, Captain Future!"" when I see someone using an iPad in public."

"I hugged someone once and they expected it every time they saw me. I'll never do that again."

"What did the baby say to its mother after breastfeeding? Thanks for the mammaries!"

"Theresa nothing worse about a breakup than your ex's name autocompleting whenever you type a word that starts with Theresa same letters"

"What do vampires call menstrual cups? Shot glasses."

"What do you get if you are telling puns while jogging? A running joke."