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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm gonna lose weight. Me: I'm gonna exercise every day. Me: I'm gonna go on a diet and stick to it. Me: Is that cake?"

"What do you call a play about a moose on a bicycle? A Moosical"

"A little girl said ""I looked into the parlour, and I saw my sister take off her clothes. I saw my sisters music teacher take off his clothes."" ""Perhapse they were going to piss on the piano""?"

"I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don't you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!"

"No one is completely useless... You can always be used as a bad example."

"Of all the different types of pornography ... I'd say animal porn is the bestial."

"I will be the first president who is openly mentally ill"

"Why did the undercover cop throw a wasp nest at the drug dealer? It was a sting operation."

"Oxygen and Potassium went on a date it went OK"

"I was asked by a feminist how I viewed lesbian relationships.. ""In HD"" was NOT the right answer..."