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Joke of the Day

"Why is NATO afraid of Russia? Cause Russia's been Putin them on notice. Just thought of this."

"Today's menu: 1 gallon of attitude, 3 cups of sarcasm, 2 tbsp of leave me the hell alone, and a generous cup of shut the f*ck up!"

"Why does homemade bread not make your throat itch? It's made from scratch ^*NB ^OP ^is ^heckle-proof*"

"A blind judge conducted a trial.. And even after no one managed to provide a substantial incriminating evidence he still condemned the defendant. he couldn't see the truth."

"Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that."

"""...so when the plane crashed, we had to do the unthinkable to survive."" ""Eat human corpses?"" [flashback to eating quinoa] ""Y...yes."""

"Swallow it dammit, it's good for you Your Pride"

"What is the hamburgers' motto? If at first you don't succeed fry fry again!"

"That awkward moment when you can't decide if it's just a bad pic or you really look like that."

"when someone bumps into you, immediately say (loudly) ""oh no my hot bod!"""