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Joke of the Day

"If my girlfriend has six oranges in one hand and seven apples in the other, what has she got? No chance of blocking an uppercut."

"Me: ""Excuse me, hi"" Her: ""Um, I have a boyfriend"" Me: ""Good for you. I was trying to say your herpes cream fell out of your purse"""

"What did the woman say when she was diagnosed with cerebal palsy? Nothing, she was too disabled to speak"

"I think my cat's a communist... He won't shut up about Mao"

"While shopping, look for this marker on where the gluten free aisle is at. You'll see a man with a gun to his mouth. Because, you know, bullets are gluten free."

"Whenever I'm watching paint dry I like to listen to James Bay ... Just to really complete the experience"

"Cop: You were going 30 over the speed limit Me: Are you sure about that? *gives him a handful of Cheez-Its* Cop: Have a nice day, sir."

"Two guys walk down the street And one falls through the window"

"I've always wondered what I'm saying when I meow back at my cats."

"Hey you! Did you lose your nose? I just found it in my business."