154172

Joke of the Day

"I wish it was my job to sit around laughing at tweets all day. Actually, he is unaware, but that's what my boss is paying me to do anyway."

"My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying."

"Che Guevara was such a revolutionary. He revolutionized the t-shirt sales."

"On a scale from one to ten, she's a ten... On the pH scale, CUZ SHE BASIC!"

"I've been sleeping with my pocket knife these days... It fucking hurts!"

"Jesus: and when there was but 1 set of footprints, there I carried u Me: (checks fitbit) ok, phew, it counted the steps, I still got credit"

"I had this one night stand, and the next morning I felt so guilty I bought another one for the other side of the bed."

"The doctor asked if I was sexual active. I shook my head and said ""Not in front of the wife""."

"I swear to drunk im not Patrick."

"What does an angry chicken say? Fuck-fuck-fuck-fuckawwwf."