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Joke of the Day

"Just once, I'd ike a cop to pull me over and tell me how great I'm driving, especially considering I've had 12 beers."

"I was at a bar last night nursing a beer But I stopped after an hour because my nipple was getting too soggy"

"As told to me by an indian bus driver overseas... Why don't rabbits make noise when they fuck? Because they have cotton balls. Apologies if it's a repost."

"I lost my mood ring last night... I'm not sure how I feel about that"

"Congratulations. You're 18. On a list of 20 people that I want to kill."

"Where do Russians get their milk from? From moscow"

"What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning? Pulls her pants up and goes home."

"in your head, in your heaaaaaad Harambe, Harambe"

"Daughter: Dad do Zombies exist? Dad: No dear they're people wearing lots of makeup. Daughter: Oh like mommy? Dad: Close enough."

"My 5-year-old blames me when things go wrong and takes all the credit when they go right. She'll be a CEO someday."