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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you eat all the potatoes? [They're all gone.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TzwDgz053PI)"

"I had to defrost the fridge last night before bed. Or foreplay, as she calls it."

"Spotting Idiots Online I wish there was some way to identify idiots online. Sent from my iPhone"

"????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE FLOOR ????LET THE BODIES HIT THE- ""Carl, you're fired. You're a horrible mortician."""

"My wife asked me to play doctor with her... ...she is now waiting for three hours in front of the bedroom."

"What do you call a very small valentine? A valentiny."

"I love being a pessimist. I'm either always right or pleasantly surprised."

"God grant me the dgaf to lol at the things I can't even, the swag to yolo the things I can, and the lifehacks to know the difference"

"Worrying is so stupid. It's like carrying an umbrella waiting for it to rain."

"I have a job crushing pop cans. It's soda pressing."